I learnt the art of asking, along with driving and I guess I received my licence for both simultaneously. I am probably better at asking than at driving, as the male chauvinists in my life would like to have me believe. Anyway, let me share the story of how I learnt to ask.
In 1995, I used to commute from home to Taj Coromandel and back home in auto-rickshaws. Vexed with the morning and evening skirmishes with the famously unreasonable auto drivers of Chennai, I decided I needed a vehicle of my own. For someone who didn’t even know how to cycle, the obvious choice was a car. But where would I find the money? Those weren’t the days of easy car loans, and even if it was, no one would lend to me, let alone my own inability to pay back loans with high interest rates. But I knew I wanted a car, and so the only choice was to ask if the company would extend me the car loan.
I plucked up some courage and walked up to our Financial Controller, TN, and shared my daily challenge with him; ended with the request that I be granted a car loan, even though I wasn’t strictly eligible since I had spent less than a year in the company. To my utter delight, he didn’t bat an eyelid and sanctioned my car loan. And I was the proud owner of a second hand Fiat.
Now, to cut a long story short, neither me, nor my dear better half, were yet able to drive. I had my licence, had taken driving lessons, but was far from proficient. So, I asked again. I walked up to a friend in the hotel, saying I want to bring the car. So, Senthil drove the car for me. Again, successful asking!
Driving the car around town, I had several spots where I would get stuck. The steep ramp leading up to the railway gate always got me moving backward, not forward; the car park at the basement of Taj had too many pillars for my novice skills; sometimes, I encountered the need to reverse and parallel park – something I just couldn’t do.
Each time, I would just switch off the car, get out, and seek out some passer- by or the driver of a taxi parked nearby and request for help………………..and get it. I remember a time I was at a particularly steep ramp at a railway crossing, car crammed full, with two heavy folks in the rear seat, son and husband in tow. Once the gates opened, the car continued to go backward and nothing I did got it moving forward. Finally, I got everyone out of the car, hoping a lighter car will move up – but no deal. Again, to the embarrassment of my entire family, I flagged down a pair of boys on a bike, one of whom successfully got the car to the other side of the tracks, and I happily drove on.
I learnt that usually, all you need to do is reach out and ask for help and most people are willing and usually glad to help; in fact, many delight in being asked for help and go out of their way to support.
But I find that most people hesitate, and never ask for help. What comes in the way? Why do people hesitate to reach out for support?
One, that horrible ego that suggests that asking equals weakness or an admission of lack; it is NOT OK to need help. Two, the fear of rejection – what if the person refuses to help? Three, the fear of ridicule – what if people laugh at me? And lastly, the ingrained belief that people don’t like to be troubled.
And when you examine each of the above, none of them matter. So what if one refuses to help – ten will! So what if someone laughs – I used to laugh along with the hotel valets when they joked about my lack of parking skills; My family gave up on me long ago, they know this is how I am, they just pretend they are not with me! And I don’t believe it is not ok to ask, so I am most comfortable…..
The support I get is worth all this – the rest is inconsequential. So, go out there and next time you feel you need support, reach out and ask. You will be surprised and delighted.
Follow me for more thoughts, tips and tricks that can provoke thought, and can contribute to raising the level of excellence in individuals, leaders, organizations and families. Organization’s transformation starts with individuals.